MY JOURNEY: I wanted to return to what walking means to me. If I was going to give any advice to anyone after the loss of a loved one, it would be to walk. Take the first step whether you feel like it or not. Here is what I see happening if you don't.
Imagine a tree being planted. It takes root slowly and grows. Things happen around it, but it never goes anywhere. Pretty soon it looses its leaves and although it may come back, it may also wither from lack of attention. Don't be a tree. Take the step that could save your spirit.

WALKING BACKWARDS

WALKING BACKWARDS IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS
SEEING THE DEPRESSION OF THE SOUL
FINDING HELP WITHIN ITS CANYONS
REQUIRES VERY LITTLE BUT LETTING GO

FOLLOW THE STEPS BACKWARDS IN TIME
TAKES YOU TO PLACES YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN
WHO OR WHAT CAME BY BEFORE YOU
IS ONLY FOUND IN YOUR IMAGINATION

FINDING HOPE IN THE FOOTSTEPS COMMITTED
IS THE ART OF LETTING GO
AND OPENING YOUR HEART
TO HAVE THE THE FFELINGS THAT YOUR DIDN'T
THINK YOU HAD ANYMORE

SO WALKING BACKWARDS IN YOUR FOOTSTEPS
ALLOWS ME TO GO WITH YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY
IF ONLY FOR A MOMENTARY FLIGHT OF FANTASY

THE JOURNEY: Sometimes on this trip we're on you need to stop and take stock in the direction you're going and see if everyone is in the vehicle. You don't want to leave someone at the gas station but if you do it would be a good thing to turn around and go pick them up.
Ok, I know what you are thinking. What the heck does this little story have to do with anything.
What I have found on this journey, is that I have spent so much time trying to save myself, that I might have not been doing a good enough job keeping everyone in the car. When you loose someone a really good lesson to learn is to keep checking in to see if everyone is moving in the same direction and whether help might be needed. The ultimate goal should be for all persons involved to reach the destination at the same time, without too much damage. Lesson learned.

SECOND GUESSES

SECOND GUESSES ARE LIKE PUTTY
SLIPPERY AND SHINY ON THE OUTSIDE
SOFT AND FLOWING ON THE INSIDE

SECOND GUESSES ARE LIKE RAIN ON A SUNNY DAY
SPARKLING WITH SUNS RAYS
BUT WET AND COLD JUST THE SAME

SECOND GUESSES CAN BE PLANTED
WATERED
RAISED TO MATURE
NEVER REALLY HELPING RESOLVE

BE AWARE OF SECOND GUESSES
ACKNOWLEDGE THEM
BOW TO THEM
BUT TREAT THEM AS THEY SHOULD BE
PART OF THE ROAD TO RECOVERY

THE JOURNEY: Guys aren't suppose to cry. At least that is what I and a lot of other guys grew up on in the fifties. Macho, feelings held closely to the vest, and if you are going to cry, do it in the privacy of your own home. Here is my opinion on that. BALONEY. Without loosing the manhood trap, keeping the feelings bottled up is just darn destructive and such a waste. Allowing yourself the honor of grieving and releasing the emotions puts you in control of moving forward.

STOP SIGN TEARS

PULLING UP SLOWLY
LOST IN THOUGHTS OF THE PAST
NEVER KNOWING WHEN IT WILL HIT YOU
TEARS GLIDE DOWN WITH SUPRIZE

THOUGHTS THAT YOU ARE BEYOND IT
FLASH OUT BRINGING YOU BACK INTO THE DREAM
WHAT IS DIFFERENT WITH THIS MOMENT AND WHY NOW

REALIZING THAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL
THE FEELINGS HIDDEN IN THE CREASES OF YOUR IDENTITY
ALLOW YOURSELF THE FREEDOM TO BE WHO YOU NEED TO BE

GO WITHIN AND KNOW THAT IT IS GOOD TO REMEMBER
NEVER FORGET , NEVER REGRET
GROWTH AS A HUMAN ALLOWS YOU TO TAKE THE FEELINGS WITH YOU

ALSO, YOU MIGHT WANT TO STEP ON THE GAS
AND LEAVE THE STOP SIGN BEHIND YOU
IT WILL BE THERE FOR ANOTHER DAY

THE JOURNEY: There are moments in everyones lives when they are going along minding their own business and a song comes through and hits home. You've probably heard it before but not really, because all of a sudden this song opens a door and the words are speaking directly to you. I call these theme songs. I think when you loose someone you grab on to these theme songs because they not only touch your heart but it's like they are helping move you to a safer place. One song that did this for me is Tyrone Wells song "More".
He speaks volumes to me with a few lines. "I think we are all afraid that we might be alone down here. We all want to have some faith. At least that's true in my case to just believe.
I've seen the heights reminding me I'm alive. I don't want to die. I don't want to waste another day or night. I know there is something more than what we are living for. "

THEME SONG

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU HEAR A SONG
IT CAN TAKE YOU AWAY
TO PLACES UNKNOWN

A THEME SONG OF YOUR LIFE
RELINQUISHES CONTROL
TO ALLOW YOU TO DREAM
OF A PLACE THAT COULD BE REAL
OR A FEELING OF SECURITY

BE IN THE MOMENT
WITH A THOUGHT IN THE NOW
BUT ALLOW THE THEME SONG
TO RESTORE YOUR BALANCE FOR THE FUTURE

THEME SONGS
ARE NOT ESCAPING
FROM THE REALITIES OF YOUR LIFE
THEY SMOOTH THE HILLS OF EMOTIONS
TO LAND YOU SOFTLY AMOUNG YOURSELF

THE JOURNEY: Each walk took on a life of its own. Usually in addition to what was going on mentally, I was in some sort of physical pain with the back or the leg. These longer distance walks were a battle between my stubbornness and aging body. Usually what would happen is that I would target a bench that was at the halfway mark so I could sit and recouperate. Now if that doesn't make you feel old nothing will. Reaching the bench was an accomplishment that wasn't lost on me. It not only gave me a goal but allowed me to find a place to play in my thoughts.

TWO SOULS

TWO SOULS
ONE CONNECTION
ONE ON EARTH, ONE IN SPIRIT
JOINED TOGETHER BY A COMMON CAUSE
TO HELP MANKIND HEAL

DEATH IS NOT THE END
IT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING
WORKING TOGETHER TO PRODUCE THE RESULTS
THAT WILL HELP YOU AND I TO COPE

NEVER SELFISH, ALWAYS TRUE
THE TWO TOGETHER GIVE THE CONCERT
OF THE HEAVENS
THAT EACH OF US WILL UNDERSTAND

SO MOURN IF YOU MUST
GRIEVE UNTIL IT HURTS
BUT KNOW THAT THE CONNECTION IS GREATER NOW

THE JOURNEY: Walking further and faster each day allowed me to talk to Barb. I got angry, told her that I loved her and demanded more, sometimes in the same sentence. I think when you are in the middle of the emotion, we as humans think we can control everything by doing what we always do. What we don't realize is that this is one of those times when we can no longer have any control over what matters the most. The fog that I was in didn't seem quite as dense allowing me to get glimpses of reality outside of myself.

WHY

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU CAN'T FIND LOVE
IT IS STARING YOU IN THE FACE

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU NEED AN ANSWER
YOU DON'T HEAR IT BEING WHISPERED TO YOU

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN FEAR TAKES HOLD
LOVE IS HIDING IN THE MIST

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN PAIN TAKES OVER
IT IS ALLOWED A VOICE

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU SEE A MIRACLE
IT CAN'T BE SEEN FOR WHAT IT IS

LIFE

THE JOURNEY: I looked at Jack our dog one day and I said out loud, "this is ridiculous". I knew right then that if i did not make a choice to walk further and faster I was literally going to die. I believe that when folks loose someone close we all get to that point of either making the choice to live or die. That walk changed my life. On that first long walk the first poem came streaming in and wouldn't get out of my head until I wrote it down. Unfortunately I didn't have a pen or paper and had to keep saying it over and over for two miles until I made it to a downtown Starbucks and could find a napkin and a borrowed pen. I was greatly relieved to put the following words to paper, even though I didn't really understand what just happened.

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN THE WIND
I FOUND GOD IN THE SUN
I FOUND GOD IN THE WATER
I FOUND GOD IN THE SKY

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN DEATH
I FOUND GOD IN LIFE
I FOUND GOD IN TEARS
I FOUND GOD IN LAUGHTER

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN A DOGS EYES
I FOUND GOD IN A CATS CALL
I FOUND GOD IN A FLOWER
I FOUND GOD IN SILENCE

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN THE OCEAN
I FOUND GOD IN THE MOUNTAINS
I FOUND GOD IN THE STREAMS
I FOUND GOD IN DESERTS

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN A BOOK
I FOUND GOD IN MUSIC
I FOUND GOD IN MEDITATION
I FOUND GOD IN THE LIGHT

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN FEAR
I FOUND GO IN LOVE
I FOUND GOD IN PAIN
I FOUND GOD IN WORK

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

THANK YOU