THE JOURNEY: THINGS I DON'T DO ANYMORE:


1. Walk slowly in a stooped position. It is more painful to walk that way.
2. Leave the dishes for the kids to do. We all know who is going to do them anyway.
3. Pay attention to any political campaign as important. Things don't really
change do they? And if you think they do, then run for something and find out.
4. Think the world should have stopped turning when Barb died. It didn't and it
wouldn't have been fair to the rest of you.
5. Hope the other guy will do the right thing. They might not but if I do, then
that is all that matters.
6. Wonder if I should tell someone what I really think. Time is too short. If it is
important enough, who knows, you might save a life.
7. Think that I'm not being listened too. Trust me. You are being listened to. The
real question is are you interpreting the feedback you are getting back.
8. Rake up all the leaves after they fall. Blowing leaves to the side of the yard
while rationalizing it as mulch is the ultimate protest to do the same thing the
same way for so many years.
9. Think that love will never find me again. There are so many forms of love that
you never knew existed. Be open to the different delivery methods and just know
that love will find you and it will be perfect for you.
10. Think that writing silly fluffy deeply felt views is something you would never
catch me doing.



HAPPINESS



HAPPINESS IS A STATE OF GRACE
FLEETING FOR SOME
CONTROLLED BY OTHERS

NEVER BE SATISFIED
TO ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS
THAN THE DESIRED OUTCOME

REACH INSIDE AND PULL IT FROM THE DEPTHS
EXPECT IT FOR YOURSELF
RETREATING ONLY WHEN YOUR SPIRIT
REQUIRES IT

MAGIC HAPPENS WHEN YOU DECIDE
THAT HAPPINESS IS A RIGHT
OF BEING HUMAN
AND FACE ITS CONSEQUENCES HEAD ON

THE JOURNEY: I think being alone and being lonely are two different things. Being alone finds me watching TV at weird hours thinking that it is normal for a single person to think about such things as family pictures on the wall. Wondering what happened to the little kids that were in those pictures and thinking out loud that they all made it. Being alone making a meal requires little effort, because I just choose between the avocado or the peanut butter. Neither one is necessarily a great choice, but who is going to complain. I would blame my wife for being alone but how is that going to help. She would just tell me to get over it and do something constructive. But you know, there are just some times in your life that being melancholy is a right of passage. Being in this space allows me to write with more insight about myself and to walk long distance without paying attention to anything going on around me. That includes the curb I didn't see and where the heck did that beautiful sunset come from? You know what? Wrong thinking enters our psyche because we allow it to. I'm making the whole story up anyway. If I'm alone and feeling bad about it, I can just as easily not be alone with myself and enjoy the experience. So instead of blaming Barb for me being alone, I think I will enjoy the sunset until it is gone and choose peanut butter because I can. Bon appetite.




THE TRIP


WHEN A FLOWER MAKES YOU CRY
AND A SONG BREAKS YOUR HEART
REGROUP YOUR THOUGHTS
TAKE STOCK OF HOW FAR YOU'VE TRAVELED

NO TRIP IS PERFECT
IT ALWAYS HAS IT'S UPS AND DOWNS
REMINDING YOU
THAT YOU'RE NEVER FAR FROM THE BEND IN THE ROAD

STAYING ON THE ROAD
IS AS IMPORTANT AS YOU MAKE IT
GOING FASTER
WON'T MAKE IT SAFER

SLOW DOWN
ENJOY THE TRIP
WHAT COMES TOMORROW
MAY MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

THE JOURNEY: So now I'm the voice of reason. That is not something I would have expected to hear from my son, but I will accept it with humility and explain it to you. So, my middle son is riding a bike across the southwest to raise awareness for water aid around the world. I get a text from him and his cycling partner and it says they are in trouble in the scorching heat, with twenty five mph head winds and being harassed by a local drunk where they are recuperating under a tree. So as a parent, what would you think if you got that text. Right, I call to confirm their imminent death. Turns out they are alive....and just exhausted both physically and mentally. I ask where they are and discover that it is in an area that Barb and I took him to as a baby to visit her now diseased aunt. Some how that one realization for him changes the whole picture. He can now sense being there in the secure arms of his mother and the environment suddenly becomes less menacing. Isn't that true for all of us in how we view life. Our perceptions about where we are and how we choose to see it, is indeed everything. I like being the voice of reason even though I just thought I was being the father figure that a year ago was lost in the fog.


WORDS


WORDS REQUIRE SO LITTLE EFFORT
TO SAY
TO FEEL
AND TO MEAN

IT IS THE MEANING
BEHIND THEM
THAT TAKE THE EFFORT
OF INTERPRETATION

WHAT YOU SAY
MIGHT NOT BE WHAT YOU MEAN
WHAT YOU HEAR
MIGHT NOT BE WHAT WAS INTENDED

SO CLARIFY THE MEANING
SAY WHAT YOU FEEL
HEAR THE REAL INTENT
BE GENUINE IN THE GIVING AND TAKING
AND DON'T GET LOST IN THE CONFUSION

THE JOURNEY: Attending church to see my youngest son get baptized and confirmed was an important dot for me to connect in my own growth as a man who lost his wife to death. I had not been back to church since her death mainly as I can only voice now that the church was my wife. She was involved somehow all the time and her spirit was so strong there. I think in one respect I consider it somewhat cowardly on my part for not facing that and being able to go back to church. On the other hand, I consider it my respect for Barb and her faith and friendships by not interfering in that strong memory. Watching my son with his host family reminded me of when our entire family would sit in church and take up an entire pew. It was a good memory of family, hope, looking to the future and renewal. So thanks to my son, I can now somewhat put aside the fear with in and just remember that any church is a place of fellowship.


ANOTHER TIME

ANOTHER TIME
ANOTHER MOMENT
FOREVER LOST
WITHIN THE MEMORIES OF THE PAST

SPECIAL THOUGHTS
BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEPTHS
MINGLE WITH THE PRESENT
TO CREATE A NEW MEMORY

GOING FORWARD
MEMORIES MIX OLD AND NEW
COMBINING THE FORCES
CREATING THE NEEDED RE-AWAKENING

THE JOURNEY: Two trees standing side by side can still grow up and out but they can also become intertwined. This produces what would look like one tree. And in some respects, it is true. They move together in the wind swaying in unison. They break under the same stresses, bend just right and show their intertwined beauty to the world. The earth feeds them both allowing them to grow and reach out for those around them. Illness can affect one or both but because time doesn't stand still one can become to ill to continue. One tree wakes up one spring morning and realizes that it is not touching the other tree anymore. Lost and lonely it wants to disappear too, but it doesn't know where it would go. Frustrated and angry it won't grow its leaves or stretch out in the sun to raise its limbs to the birds like it always has. Ready to give up it raises itself to the sky and asks for help. Just when things look like they are at the worst for the tree, it looks down and sees something poking out of the dirt. It senses excitement when it realizes that in the very same place where his former friend stood, are many seedlings reaching up in the light towards his branches. The seedlings intertwine with his trunk and ask tree questions. Over time they grow stronger and bigger and even though no tree can replace his former friend, he knows that he has a purpose. His purpose is to show love, be loved, give wisdom when needed and always remember his special friend with the grace and humility that a relationship like theirs afforded.



LIGHTS



WHITE LIGHTS COMING TOWARD YOU
RED LIGHTS GOING THAT WAY
WHERE ARE YOU GOING
ARE YOU RUNNING AWAY

SIMPLE SOLUTIONS
COME WITH HEAVY PRICES
ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE IT UP
TO FREE YOURSELF

IT IS LIKELY THAT FINDING YOURSELF
AMONG THE DIFFERENT LIGHTS
GOING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS
CAN BE CONSIDERED THE MOST
IMPORTANT LESSON OF YOUR LIFE

BE ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE
GO IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FLOW
AND STOP FIGHTING TO SAVE YOURSELF
KNOW THAT WHEN YOU LET GO
YOU WILL BE CARRIED



Writing a book is interesting especially when you have never done it before. What I found out was that I don't like proof reading. But what I have noticed is that when I re-read the material I sometimes don't even recognize the person that wrote it. I will read it like anyone else reading it for the first time and be surprised by either the simplicity or the awareness. It does open up a discussion at least in my head of wondering at very deep level who the author really is.

THE JOURNEY: My best friend says that playing Frisbee golf is a good parallel to the journey through life. Without getting overly metaphysical the point is well taken. You take this round rubber disc that comes in many weights and you throw it. Now typically what happens is that it moves forward in some capacity. In my case it doesn't hardly ever go straight or in the direction I intended when I let it go. But, yes it did move forward which in life is sometimes a major accomplishment. It is a beautiful thing to be following this disc around and seeing where it is going to end up and what drama is going to be created in getting out of the potential predicament. You can take in the sun and the surrounding scenery and just wander aimlessly back and forth across the landscape. You can commune with all the different people you meet along the way while you are looking for every one's discs that flew out of bounds. You can also hang out with the folks that take it so seriously that failure is not in their vocabulary. Be one with the disc. My thoughts about this are:

1. Moving forward is better than moving backwards
2. Strength and domination aren't necessarily the best approaches
3. Being in your body is helpful but letting go is vital
4. Friends can give great advice. You don't have to do it alone
5. You will walk in dog poop no matter what type of shoes you are wearing or what
direction you go
6. It doesn't take a rubber disc to make happiness. It is what you do with the
disc and how you react to it that's important
7. And when you see the disc fly over your head backwards after you throw it, you
smile, pick it up and move forward again

May the wind always be at your back, your disc fly straight and accurate and you avoid all the dog poop.



SEARCHING FOR PEACE


SEARCHING FOR PEACE
IN EVERY DIRECTION
CAN CAUSE CONFUSION
BECAUSE OF ITS SCATTERED NATURE

FINDING PEACE
WITHIN YOURSELF
BRINGS THE ENERGY CENTER
TO WHERE IT SHOULD BE

HAVING PEACE
IS THE LINK OFTEN LOST
TO THE SEARCHING AND FINDING
OF THE MIRACLE WITHIN YOU

THE JOURNEY: Finding your own way through all the land mines placed in front of you when you are the survivor of death can be quite challenging. Move to the left, the right, turn around and run the other way are just some of the decisions you will have to make to get through the mine field. But you know what? When you are standing at the other end of the field and looking back over your shoulder and realizing you made it, you are more surprised than anyone. I mean really, you initially thought that there was no way that you would ever survive the first land mine, let alone all the other ones. So good for you. You survived. You made it. But what really struck me as more important than my own survival was looking to my right and left and seeing all of my kids standing next to me. They survived and made it too. My GOD, what a miracle that was. Everyone is on their own self discovered journey created by their own faith, writing their own story, weaving there own love connection in with the rest of us. I am incredibly blessed to be part of this truly inspired family. Our journeys continue. And the book continue as well. I have decided to add some inspirational quotes from famous deceased people I'm enjoying reading them and including them into the format. Considering the subject of the book, I think they would approve.




THANK YOU


FOR CALLING MY NAME
THROUGH TIMES ETERNAL HEARTBEAT

FOR TOUCHING MY SOUL
WITH THE LOVE OF THE AGES

FOR PULLING ME BACK
FROM THE BRINK OF CONFUSION

FOR DIRECTING MY ENERGY
TO A MORE IMPORTANT PURPOSE

THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU
AND FOR ALLOWING ME TO FIND ME
WITHIN YOUR LOVE