THE JOURNEY: There are moments in everyones lives when they are going along minding their own business and a song comes through and hits home. You've probably heard it before but not really, because all of a sudden this song opens a door and the words are speaking directly to you. I call these theme songs. I think when you loose someone you grab on to these theme songs because they not only touch your heart but it's like they are helping move you to a safer place. One song that did this for me is Tyrone Wells song "More".
He speaks volumes to me with a few lines. "I think we are all afraid that we might be alone down here. We all want to have some faith. At least that's true in my case to just believe.
I've seen the heights reminding me I'm alive. I don't want to die. I don't want to waste another day or night. I know there is something more than what we are living for. "

THEME SONG

SOMETIMES WHEN YOU HEAR A SONG
IT CAN TAKE YOU AWAY
TO PLACES UNKNOWN

A THEME SONG OF YOUR LIFE
RELINQUISHES CONTROL
TO ALLOW YOU TO DREAM
OF A PLACE THAT COULD BE REAL
OR A FEELING OF SECURITY

BE IN THE MOMENT
WITH A THOUGHT IN THE NOW
BUT ALLOW THE THEME SONG
TO RESTORE YOUR BALANCE FOR THE FUTURE

THEME SONGS
ARE NOT ESCAPING
FROM THE REALITIES OF YOUR LIFE
THEY SMOOTH THE HILLS OF EMOTIONS
TO LAND YOU SOFTLY AMOUNG YOURSELF

THE JOURNEY: Each walk took on a life of its own. Usually in addition to what was going on mentally, I was in some sort of physical pain with the back or the leg. These longer distance walks were a battle between my stubbornness and aging body. Usually what would happen is that I would target a bench that was at the halfway mark so I could sit and recouperate. Now if that doesn't make you feel old nothing will. Reaching the bench was an accomplishment that wasn't lost on me. It not only gave me a goal but allowed me to find a place to play in my thoughts.

TWO SOULS

TWO SOULS
ONE CONNECTION
ONE ON EARTH, ONE IN SPIRIT
JOINED TOGETHER BY A COMMON CAUSE
TO HELP MANKIND HEAL

DEATH IS NOT THE END
IT'S ONLY THE BEGINNING
WORKING TOGETHER TO PRODUCE THE RESULTS
THAT WILL HELP YOU AND I TO COPE

NEVER SELFISH, ALWAYS TRUE
THE TWO TOGETHER GIVE THE CONCERT
OF THE HEAVENS
THAT EACH OF US WILL UNDERSTAND

SO MOURN IF YOU MUST
GRIEVE UNTIL IT HURTS
BUT KNOW THAT THE CONNECTION IS GREATER NOW

THE JOURNEY: Walking further and faster each day allowed me to talk to Barb. I got angry, told her that I loved her and demanded more, sometimes in the same sentence. I think when you are in the middle of the emotion, we as humans think we can control everything by doing what we always do. What we don't realize is that this is one of those times when we can no longer have any control over what matters the most. The fog that I was in didn't seem quite as dense allowing me to get glimpses of reality outside of myself.

WHY

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU CAN'T FIND LOVE
IT IS STARING YOU IN THE FACE

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU NEED AN ANSWER
YOU DON'T HEAR IT BEING WHISPERED TO YOU

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN FEAR TAKES HOLD
LOVE IS HIDING IN THE MIST

WHY IS IT THAT WHEN PAIN TAKES OVER
IT IS ALLOWED A VOICE

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU SEE A MIRACLE
IT CAN'T BE SEEN FOR WHAT IT IS

LIFE

THE JOURNEY: I looked at Jack our dog one day and I said out loud, "this is ridiculous". I knew right then that if i did not make a choice to walk further and faster I was literally going to die. I believe that when folks loose someone close we all get to that point of either making the choice to live or die. That walk changed my life. On that first long walk the first poem came streaming in and wouldn't get out of my head until I wrote it down. Unfortunately I didn't have a pen or paper and had to keep saying it over and over for two miles until I made it to a downtown Starbucks and could find a napkin and a borrowed pen. I was greatly relieved to put the following words to paper, even though I didn't really understand what just happened.

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN THE WIND
I FOUND GOD IN THE SUN
I FOUND GOD IN THE WATER
I FOUND GOD IN THE SKY

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN DEATH
I FOUND GOD IN LIFE
I FOUND GOD IN TEARS
I FOUND GOD IN LAUGHTER

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN A DOGS EYES
I FOUND GOD IN A CATS CALL
I FOUND GOD IN A FLOWER
I FOUND GOD IN SILENCE

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN THE OCEAN
I FOUND GOD IN THE MOUNTAINS
I FOUND GOD IN THE STREAMS
I FOUND GOD IN DESERTS

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN A BOOK
I FOUND GOD IN MUSIC
I FOUND GOD IN MEDITATION
I FOUND GOD IN THE LIGHT

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

I FOUND GOD IN FEAR
I FOUND GO IN LOVE
I FOUND GOD IN PAIN
I FOUND GOD IN WORK

I FOUND GOD WITHIN

THANK YOU

THE JOURNEY:In the early days following Barbs death simple things like walking were difficult. I tried walking around one block and could hardly move my legs. My mind was trying really hard to take one step at a time but my body wasn't reacting. I believe that there is a very powerful disconnect of your senses and body from your mind in these times, and I am not sure if it is protective or destructive.


THE COMPASS

THE COMPASS GUIDES US WHERE WE NEED TO GO
THE COMPASS SAVES US FROM GETTING LOST
THE COMPASS BRINGS US BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED

ALL DIRECTIONS LEAD TO YOU
WITH THE COMPASSES HELP THE JOURNEY IS EASY
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH DIRECTION YOU GO
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ABLE TO FIND YOUR WAY

WITHOUT THE COMPASS
I WILL GET LOST
MY LIFE WILL BECOME FOGGY
MY MEANING WILL DISAPPEAR

YOU ARE MY COMPASS
YOU RIGHT ME WHEN I AM WRONG
YOU LEAD ME WHERE I NEED TO GO
YOU SAVE ME FROM MYSELF

NO MATTER WHAT DIRECTION I GO
WHETHER IT IS EAST, WEST, NORTH, OR SOUTH
I KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE WITH ME
AND FOREVER BE MY COMPASS

THE JOURNEY : When Barb died, it was like a light went out. I remember feeling like every cell in my body was drained of energy. Lifeless, non-emotional, cold, and hopeless. The only thing I can compare it to is the marionette puppet hanging in my closet as a kid. The form was there but nothing was working.

YOU ARE

YOU ARE MY LIGHT
YOU ARE MY SOUL
YOU ARE ME

YOU ARE RIGHT
YOU ARE WRONG
YOU ARE ME

YOU ARE LOVE
YOU ARE FEAR
YOU ARE ME

YOU ARE EVERTHING
YOU ARE NOTHING
YOU ARE ME


YOU ARE MY LIGHT
YOU ARE MY SOUL
YOU ARE ME

Inspiration comes in many forms. You may be inspired to take a walk, build a backyard memorial or write something. In my case it was inspiration that allowed me to do all the above. My wife is my inspiration, even though she died January 29, 2009. Her name is Barbara and she was my compass during our marriage and is still after her death.
After she died I was inspired to write poetry. Now I'm sure that this has happened to other people but if you knew me it would come as a total surprise. I'm going to be honest. I grew up not liking or reading poetry. So me writing poetry can be considered to be a cosmic joke. I believe it is Barb's way to get me to think outside of my comfort zone and to help me get ready to do other things. I have never studied how to put them together, what is proper, or whether they are even remotely worth reading. What I can promise is that they were all given to me with love, and intention. The verses or titles flash into my mind and d0n't let go until I write them down. Once I do write them down then I typically forget them. I don't even remember them an hour later. I know that they are coming from a source outside of myself. I find this to be extremely comforting or scary depending on how you want to view it. I will post one a week and see how it goes. If you relate to my words that's great. If not, I understand. The hope is that it will bring comfort where needed and most of all show that love crosses all boundaries. Be open, be loved and know that you are not alone.

INSPIRED

SHE LIT UP MY WORLD
DIRECTED MY DREAMS
AND GAVE ME LOVE EVEN
IF I DIDN'T DESERVE IT

SHE CAME IN PEACE
AND DIED WITH LOVE
SENDING US ALL ON PATHS OF OUR OWN

SHE GAVE TO EVERYONE
SERVING FIRST
RECEIVING LATER

THE BEAM OF LIGHT THAT SHE IS NOW
WILL CHANGE THE WORLD
FOR THE BETTER