THE JOURNEY: Being thankful at this time of year should be the obvious choice for anyone. After all it is the season to remember that someone special came into our lives and made a real difference in how we lived and moved forward through the smoke and mirrors of the distractions. I for one am so thankful to know that they cared enough to come and share their time here with me, guide me when they thought it was appropriate, pull me out of harms way at times and most of all surround me with that special love that only they could exude. Being thankful doesn't seem like enough for that special gift that they brought to us. I believe that passing the gift on would be the ultimate responsibility all of us, and a way for them to continue to help us share the gift. Thanks for coming, sharing, protecting and helping us be the gift to those around us.


YOU KNOW SOMEONE LOVES YOU


YOU CAN FEEL IT IN YOUR HEART
YOU CAN FEEL IT N YOUR BONES
YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO GO AWAY
BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT SOMEONE LOVES YOU

IT'S A WHOLE BODY EXPERIENCE
TO SEE THEM WHERE EVER YOU ARE
LOOSE THE NOISE
LISTEN TO THE SOUL
BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT SOMEONE LOVES YOU

TIME WON'T TELL
BECAUSE IT DOESN'T EXIST
BE IN THE MOMENT
BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT SOMEONE LOVES YOU

PEACEFUL REMINDER
HOW GOOD IT CAN FEEL
KNOWLEDGE IS RIGHT
BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT SOMEONE LOVES YOU

THE JOURNEY: How do you know that you are doing the right thing when it comes to your own existence here on earth? Is it faith alone or a feeling? Do you re lie on your intuition or do you allow other people to make decisions for you. I know this may seem a little deep right now especially at Christmas time. But, for me it is the perfect time to reflect on what I'm doing and how I got here and most importantly how I make choices. Who is in charge so to speak. For me, I believe that I listen to the past, present and future using intuition, feelings, verbal clues and sometimes luck. I know one thing. In the waking up through death, I have become more out there and not willing to just continue what I was doing because it was easier and I could. Even though I am the same person, I am also not the same person. I move forward in a different but just as good a way, with intention and a love that I have never felt for myself. I know that I'm being watched over and guided by folks that want us to succeed. All of us have our own methods of doing the right thing through whatever methods that might be. I wish you well and that you realize that the right thing can be achieved by just opening yourself up to the different modalities being presented to you and that there truly is life after death.


WEIGHT


WEIGHED DOWN BY THE PAST
FREE TO FLY WITH THE FUTURE
SHAPED BY TOMORROW
WITH A FOOT IN THE DOOR OF YESTERDAY

SENSING A TIE BETWEEN IT ALL
NOT WILLING TO GIVE UP ANY
THE RIGHT OF EVERY HUMAN
RESIDES WITHIN THE JUGGLING ACT

CONTAINED WITHIN THE WHOLE
PERFECTED BY THE PIECES
REACHING OUT
TO CREATE THE PUZZLE OF LIFE

THE JOURNEY: Reflective thinking can sometimes be a burden. If you are always thinking at a deeper level and trying to figure out where you fit within the framework of life, you may just miss the simplicity of perfection. As it comes up to the two year anniversary of Barbs death, I know that I have done a lot to be reflective through writing and just paying attention to this wonderful and yes painful journey I've been on. But, I wonder when you loose someone whether you can fall into the trap of being overly profound and miss what is staring you in the face. His name is Jack and as I write this he has just come in from the backyard covered in mud. My yard during the winter in the the Northwest becomes a mud bog. Jack is a pure white West Highland Terrier, so when he decides that the neighborhood cat needs to be chased through our mud bog and will even attempt the ten point slide tackle, it is a done deal. So, as my now black dog sits here in front of me and looks up with those innocent eyes, I can't help but think that Jack is the simplicity of perfection. Thinking deeply is not necessarily helpful at moments like this. Seeing the reflection of me laughing in his eyes means just as much. Here's a reflective thought for you. I see a cleansing in someones future and a restoration to wholeness. Jack.......get back here.

BEING LOST


BEING LOST YOU CAN SEE THE STARS MORE CLEARLY
AND CONTEMPLATE WHO YOU ARE

BEING LOST MAKES WALKING QUIETER
AND LONELINESS EASIER TO TAKE

BEING LOST CREATES A VOID
INTO WHICH YOU CAN PUSH YOUR THOUGHTS

BEING LOST MAKES THINGS SEEM LESS IMPORTANT
AND GIVES MEANING TO THE SOURCE OF LIFE

LOST IN THOUGHT
LOST YOUR MIND
LOST YOUR WAY
LOST BETWEEN NIGHT AND DAY

IT ONLY REMAINS TO BE SEEN
IF THE IMPORTANCE IS BEING LOST
OR THE LOST NEEDS TO BE FOUND

THE JOURNEY: I realize that I spend a lot of my time waiting for something to happen. Since Barb died, my life is made up of connecting the dots in hopes that they will lead somewhere. I am so convinced that they will continue to guide me that I sometimes forget that it is not necessary to be like the kid on Christmas morning patiently waiting to see what is going to be in the box. It probably would be less stressful to just allow things to happen, notice them and then react. Instead I am always speculating what might happen next. The holidays are still hard for me personally even though I put on a great mask that everything is OK. The reality is that this will probably be the case for years to come. I guess that by waiting for something to happen, it is my way to cope and push the negative stuff way deep down inside and hide it under my grandmothers trunk in the basement. By waiting for something to happen I keep the possibilities of the future and the child like qualities alive within me. In a way, we are all waiting for something to happen. We live our lives, raise our families and rejoice that it is all leading somewhere special.



MIST


SEEING THROUGH THE MIST OF PERCEPTION
FIGHTING HARD TO SORT OUT THE HIDDEN MEANING

WHAT YOU GET IS A WORLD
THAT FITS YOUR IDEA
BUT NOT NECESSARILY THE WORLD AROUND YOU

IT'S NEVER EASY TO SORT THROUGH THE FOG
WHAT IS REAL AND WHAT IS NOT

IN THE END
IT IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF EVERYTHING YOU DO AND APPLY

THE JOURNEY: If you remember me writing last year how hard the holidays were, you would probably remember that my impression was that I would have been happy to not go through a holiday again. I mean, come on. Why would any of us want to subject ourselves to that kind of pain intentionally. So as the holidays approached, I anticipated trouble. It is not like we are waiting for it. The emotions are like someone peeking around the corner at you. They sneak up when you least expect it and remind you things that you hoped would hide a little longer. But it has now been almost two years and even though there is some angst, sadness, a little anger etc, there is also a sense of peace, and a knowing. The knowing is about understanding that when I first started writing this blog, I didn't care if anyone was reading. That wasn't what it was about. It was all about putting feelings to paper and finding out that it helped me in healing and taking one step at a time forward. As time went on I realized that folks were reading the blog and it took on some form of responsibility. Hearing from people that voiced their similar experiences made me realize that we aren't alone even if we think we are. Again thanks to you, healing continued for me in knowing that touching other people through writing was my avenue of rising out of the ashes. Finally, knowing that the holidays are gentler now because of the journey I've taken, makes me want to thank all of you for listening and caring and being part of the healing team. If the book form of this is one day published I hope that we can continue to help others heal through our combined experiences. Thank you all for your friendship, love and input into this humble soul. Happy Holidays




PAST AND FUTURE



SWINGING BETWEEN PAST AND FUTURE
CAN SOMETIMES EFFECT YOUR EQUILIBRIUM
FOCUSING ON ONE ONLY
CAN EFFECT YOUR WHOLENESS

BEING WITHIN BOTH
DOES REQUIRE THE FOCUS
TO GRASP THAT LIFE IS NOT
MADE UP OF ONE OR THE OTHER

YOU CAN BE IN THE PAST AND THE FUTURE
ALLOWING BOTH TO GUIDE YOU
ON THE ROAD TO DISCOVERY

THE JOURNEY: Forty years from now I want to look you in the eyes and say "thank you for the journey". Sometimes I truly wonder what I'm going to write about. So, I will occasionally throw the question out to the universe and see what happens. That is the interesting thing about inspired thought. You never know when it is going to hit you and who might be sending you the message. So, that line came to me with intention and full body goose bumps. That is when I pay attention. The statement seems simple enough on the surface, but of course there always seems to be double meanings in these inspirational pulses that arrive unexpectedly. Being the reporter type, I decided to analyze it. It could mean that when it is my time to go, I get to look Barbara in the face and thank her for saving my butt, hooking me up with incredible friends of the past and future and for telling me to wake up and pay attention to the incredible opportunities that I got to participate in. It could mean thanking my second life love for the patience of seeing the journey through with me. I would be overwhelmingly humbled to think that I was able to be connected to two beautiful souls and live such a profound and rewarding life that included such great kids that allowed me to be their father. Of course I am just ad-libbing here but I get the sense that what I'm suppose to say is that if you have lost someone in your life, you need to be told that it is OK to plan for the future. You survived for a reason and to be able to honor your past and your future with thanksgiving is what you need to give yourself as a present.




EAGLE


I HEARD THE EAGLE FROM A DISTANCE
NEVER SEEING ITS FLIGHT
TO SWOOP OVER THE RIVER
RETRIEVING FISH FOR ITS FAMILY

FAITH IN KNOWING THE EAGLE IS THERE
IS ENOUGH FOR THE MOMENT
REALIZING I DON'T NEED TO SEE THINGS
TO BELIEVE OF THEIR EXISTENCE

WITHOUT FAITH
THERE IS THE NEED FOR PROOF
IMAGINATION ONLY REQUIRES
THE FAITH TO BELIEVE SO HARD
THAT YOU KNOW ITS EXISTENCE IS REAL

THEY JOURNEY: All I wanted was clam chowder. I'll get back to that in a minute. Turning points in ones life can take many forms. You can have an experience that is so profound that you will never look at things the same way. You can get angry at your deceased spouse and get a response that tells you she is listening. You can have love in your life that surprises you because you weren't sure that you would feel it again. Or you could go looking for clam chowder on the Oregon coast and not find it anywhere. You keep driving in the pitch black and pouring rain not really understanding why you are doing it. You end up at a state park with no name and as you enter the parking lot, you realize that you have entered some sort of calm in the storm. There is no rain and the sky is so clear that the stars are the most brilliant jewels in the sky you have ever seen. Venus is like a glowing orb and the big dipper is so bright as it hangs low on the horizon. It actually feels like you can reach out and touch it. You hear the breeze and the surf as one source of sound like a steady and strong heartbeat. Turning points to me are ones that take you away from your planned goal and lead you to an unexpected and profound emotional and spiritual uplift. It is your choice as to whether you pay attention. I am guessing experiences like this don't happen every day. It's funny, I noticed clam chowder everywhere the next day on the way home. Well isn't that interesting!





SYNCHRONICITY


ONE THING HAPPENS
ANOTHER COMES ALONG
WITHOUT MUCH THOUGHT
THEY BOTH TIE TOGETHER

THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON
NOT BY CHANCE
THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES
IF YOU JUST RELAX AND LOOK

PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT'S HAPPENING
AROUND AND THROUGH YOU
DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU
THAT SYNCHRONICITY IS A DREAM