THE JOURNEY: Two o'clock in the morning, finding myself wide awake after a day of let's say interesting twists and turns. I stopped by a friends office earlier that day. We used to work together and it had been over a year since I had seen her. The question out of her mouth sent me into a place that I did not want to go. "So, how is Barb"? It is such a simple question. Made up of three words. My brain is trying to come up with something cute to say. I think she sensed something was coming when no words came out of my mouth. I finally after what seemed forever said that Barb had died. I don't know if I did that for the shock value or because I felt that by now the whole world should already know. After all the world stopped spinning on its axis when she died. I apologized for not having any other way to inform her and from that moment on for the rest of the day, I felt numb. I thought that I had been singled out to withstand the onslaught of loss. I made it. It's been a year now and I can put my emotions to bed. Well, maybe not. A three word sentence proves to me that although we may think we have come a long way, which I am sure we have in some respects, really and truly we are just treading water. Beneath the surface is a whole lot of potential mines that can take you back to times and places that you might prefer to keep locked up. I think it is OK that these events do occur. It makes the journey real, and unpredictable. Sitting here at this time of the day with only the refrigerator moaning in the background gives me hope that the next time that the last person on earth doesn't know that Barb has died, I will be able to answer that question in a more humane way. And maybe, just maybe I won't have to be sitting up late at night thinking what a weird day that was.

DIRECT CONNECT

I WISH I COULD SEND YOU AN EMAIL
TELL YOU HOW THINGS ARE GOING
SEE YOUR REPLY'S
ARGUE OVER WHAT I AM NOT DOING WITH THE KIDS

I WISH I COULD CALL YOU
HAVE YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY
WORKING WITH THE ANGELS
AND LEARNING SO MUCH

I WISH I COULD WRITE YOU A LETTER
SEND IT TO HEAVEN C.O.D
WAIT FOR YOUR RESPONSE
WITH A RETURN ADDRESS OUT OF THIS WORLD