THE JOURNEY: Reflection of a journey can sometimes bring insight to something that you might think was a random act of the universe. I have not done this before at this depth, but decided that I was going to go back in time to when I started writing this blog and actually read what I wrote. For some reason I had a sudden urge to find out who I was then and see if I can extrapolate meaning out of the journey. I am still surprised when I was hit over the head and inspired to write poetry. At a time when I could hardly walk, having that kind of extraordinary experience to me now was a miracle. It suddenly opened my mind again and most importantly opened the door to my crushed spirit. Since then I have met other folks that were also inspired after the death of a spouse to do something that was out of character. It makes me wonder if when you are at your lowest depths of grief whether GOD or whatever source you believe in throws out a life raft for you to grab on to and says "row". It is fascinating to me to think that we are being watched over and will be given the opportunity to save ourselves. Well I did start rowing although it felt like I wasn't moving very fast. I slowly started to feel my physical body again because for a long time all I felt was numbness. This lead to taking the first steps in walking further and further. I liken it to walking up a long flight of stairs that never seem to end and then all of a sudden you are standing at the top and on flat ground. I came to realize that walking and riding my bike brought me from the place where I honestly did not think I was going to come out of. I am convinced that most folks reach a point where they physically, emotionally, and spiritually come to the crossroads where they have to decide to survive and move forward or not. I totally get it and what I learned was that if you know someone there you can only encourage them but keep in mind that not all of us choose to move on. I learned that as one part of your life gets unbalanced it has a huge impact on all facets of your life. A death can impact your beliefs, job, relationships, and really mess up your physical and emotional body. It is like a spiral down the rabbit hole to hang out with Alice. If anyone ever tells you to hide your emotions, throw something at them. You know the old saying that guys don't cry. That is the biggest fallacy ever. Pain is pain and unless you let it out you will destroy yourself, so I tell you here that I am a proponent of understanding how valuable it is to release that unbelievable amount of grief. It will build up like a tea kettle until it is vented letting out the rage and sadness. That alone probably did more to move me on the recovery path than anything. Eventually those moments of madness diminish in intensity and length and become manageable. I discovered that it is fairly easy to get caught up in your own grief that you can easily leave your family members at the curb. You need to circle back and pick them up because after all, they lost someone too. At that point it becomes a joint venture in survival. It will have its ups and downs but each and everyone will travel on their own journey in their own time and will cross your path from time to time. How do I say this without sounding too negative. Oh, what the heck. Holidays suck. It took me a full year before I stopped hating holidays. I would suggest that just knowing it will be difficult is helpful and to not expect yourself to react the same way. This too will pass. Finding me was a surprise also. Realizing that I could smile again, have passion, love, return to improve in my job, start cooking, meet great people, take care of the dog, care, write and have plans for the future were truly eye opening for me. Normal shifted so much that I decided that in my second life normal was going to be and look different. Advice from folks became common place but ultimately going with my heart proved to be the best direction. You will find your own path that will lead you out of the fog. Trust in yourself to make the right decisions connecting the dots. It became a passion of mine to listen to what was going on around me, connect the dots and follow the path created. It continues today and I am so thankful for the journey. I believe that personally I have become closer to the source. Death, grief and the fog could very easily push you in an opposite direction but in my case because of inspired writing I became closer. Blame was thrown out and forgiveness became a friend. Loneliness is a big hurdle you have to face and overcome. I don't have any suggestions on overcoming loneliness because I believe that we all will figure out how much loneliness we are willing to put up with and when it is time to do something about it. It is all good and perfect.Reflection is good because it shows you where you have come from and you can compare to what you are now. Coming to grips with what happened and realizing that it means that you are indeed on a road that is real and beneficial to your ongoing life, means that you are paying attention. That is the ultimate lesson of the journey. If you are aware and paying attention, then you will see the different possibilities.After doing this review I can truly say with certainty, I have come a long way baby. I wish for you the same insight. If not now, soon. For any of you that might be still reading this journey, thank you, but I would like like to throw out a request. I believe that having come this far, this blog should move in the direction of answering other peoples questions and concerns. It is obvious to me that as I have come through the cycle it is time to move this to another level. So a thought occurred to me to ask you what you would like to talk about as it pertains to this subject. Please feel free in sending your questions or subject matter to be discussed in future postings. Until then, thanks for being on this journey with me.


THE GIFT


SINGLED OUT
TO RECEIVE THE GIFT
HUMBLY ACCEPTED
AND WILLING TO GIVE OUT

THE GIFT OF LIFE
THE GIFT OF LOVE
THE GIFT OF TRUTH
THE GIFT OF FORGIVENESS

TOGETHER WITH PURPOSE
GIVEN WITH INTENT
BRINGS REWARD TO THE SPIRIT
AND PURPOSE TO THE MAN