THE JOURNEY: Did you ever do those connect the dots pictures as a kid. I loved following the numbers and seeing what was going to show up in the end. To me my life is like that. I am moving ahead and away from the death of my wife by connecting the dots. Let me give you an example of what I mean. I met a really wonderful couple this past week by the name Kellie and Dave Grill. They came to me because of Dave's mother who read Margie Boules article on my journey in the Oregonian. They wrote a really heartfelt book called "SEND ME A SIGN". It is the story of their journey after the death of Dave's first wife. Even though they hadn't read Margie's column, the mother did and insisted that they contact me. Now you could say this was all coincidence and just write it off as an interesting thing that happened. I see it as an example of one thing leading to another, leading to another. Since Barbs death I have felt guidance to follow my dots. So what I do is step back and watch what comes up and accept the dots that appear with amazement. I accept the people that I meet along the way with open arms and mind not necessarily knowing what the reason is at that time. I have faith that I am being guided down the right paths and that the dots of my life are going to eventually create a picture that will make perfect sense. My emotions about all this are that I get impatient for the next dot and have to tell myself that it is all that it is suppose to be. In other words take a chill pill and go with the flow. Boy I haven't said those words in along time.
I think that all of us that have lost someone to death need to be able to hold on to something that will get us to the next stage in our lives. Connecting the dots is my solution to this dilemma and I would highly recommend that everyone look out for their own dots and follow the path to your completed picture. Maybe it will surprise you. My other recommendation is to go to www.whirlwindpublishing.com and get this book. It is a fast read and will touch your heart.

THE PATH

CONNECT THE DOTS
ALONG YOUR PATH
SEEING PEOPLE
FOR THE FIRST TIME OR LAST

WATCH THE SIGNS
AND REFLECT ON THE CONNECTION
THAT BRING THE DAILY MIRACLES
INTO YOUR WORLDLY FOCUS

CHOOSE TO REACT
OR MERELY WATCH IT HAPPEN
BEING OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITIES
WILL SEND LIGHT TO YOUR SOUL

THE JOURNEY:How do you know that you have found love. Was it lost? Did it pass you on the street and you didn't see it? And for those of us that have lost love, how do you know when the time is right to allow yourself to find it again. How many people have told you that it is required that you wait a year, two years, or even five years. I think sometimes that being placed in a monastery is the solution for some giving advice. My question....Why is this? Do you become less human after you have lost someone? Does the capacity to give of yourself get any less real? Is the loneliness that we feel so unimportant that we can't possibly be rational in our thinking? This is for all of you reading this that although you think you are giving wise an sage advice and it is coming from your heart, STOP IT. Step back, think about what you are telling us and think about why you're saying it. I think you will realize that although you have good intentions, mine and all of us who have lost a loved one deserves to be happy and loved. Let us be in control of finding, losing and deciding the timing. Feeling guilty for loving someone new would be the last thing that I would ever place on anyone else's shoulders. Yes, I know this is Valentines Day. What better day to remind everyone that love exists for everyone. Happy Valentines Day everyone.

THE VEIL

THE VEIL LIFTED THIS MORNING
EVERYTHING BECAME BRIGHT AND CLEAR
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS GOING FORWARD
CHOICE CONTROLS THE OUTCOME

DESTINY LINGERS ON THE HORIZON
AND UP TO NOW IT COULDN'T BE GRASPED
BUT CLEARING THE LENS OF UNCERTAINTY
BRINGS THE LIFE BACK INTO FOCUS

WE ARE ALL ON OUR OWN TIME SCHEDULES
FACING THE DARKNESS
ACHIEVING THE VICTORIES
BUT WHEN THE VEIL IS LIFTED
SMILING WITH PURPOSE TAKES ON A WHOLE NEW MEANING

THE JOURNEY: Two o'clock in the morning, finding myself wide awake after a day of let's say interesting twists and turns. I stopped by a friends office earlier that day. We used to work together and it had been over a year since I had seen her. The question out of her mouth sent me into a place that I did not want to go. "So, how is Barb"? It is such a simple question. Made up of three words. My brain is trying to come up with something cute to say. I think she sensed something was coming when no words came out of my mouth. I finally after what seemed forever said that Barb had died. I don't know if I did that for the shock value or because I felt that by now the whole world should already know. After all the world stopped spinning on its axis when she died. I apologized for not having any other way to inform her and from that moment on for the rest of the day, I felt numb. I thought that I had been singled out to withstand the onslaught of loss. I made it. It's been a year now and I can put my emotions to bed. Well, maybe not. A three word sentence proves to me that although we may think we have come a long way, which I am sure we have in some respects, really and truly we are just treading water. Beneath the surface is a whole lot of potential mines that can take you back to times and places that you might prefer to keep locked up. I think it is OK that these events do occur. It makes the journey real, and unpredictable. Sitting here at this time of the day with only the refrigerator moaning in the background gives me hope that the next time that the last person on earth doesn't know that Barb has died, I will be able to answer that question in a more humane way. And maybe, just maybe I won't have to be sitting up late at night thinking what a weird day that was.

DIRECT CONNECT

I WISH I COULD SEND YOU AN EMAIL
TELL YOU HOW THINGS ARE GOING
SEE YOUR REPLY'S
ARGUE OVER WHAT I AM NOT DOING WITH THE KIDS

I WISH I COULD CALL YOU
HAVE YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY
WORKING WITH THE ANGELS
AND LEARNING SO MUCH

I WISH I COULD WRITE YOU A LETTER
SEND IT TO HEAVEN C.O.D
WAIT FOR YOUR RESPONSE
WITH A RETURN ADDRESS OUT OF THIS WORLD