THE JOURNEY: FOR THOSE OF US THAT HAVE LOST A SPOUSE FOR ANY REASON, LIFE USUALLY TAKES ON A WHOLE NEW MEANING. YOU THINK ABOUT MORTALITY WHERE YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE BEFORE. YOU BECOME THOUGHTFUL IN YOUR INTENTIONS ABOUT YOUR BELIEFS, YOUR FAMILY, YOUR FUTURE AND POSSIBLY EVEN OTHER RELATIONSHIPS. AFTER ALL, SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ALONE CAN SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF YOU. SO EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY NOT BE LOOKING FOR IT AT LEAST CONSCIOUSLY, A TIME COMES WHERE YOU SUDDENLY FIND YOURSELF OVERWHELMED WITH EMOTIONS THAT YOU HONESTLY THOUGHT COULDN'T EXIST ANYMORE. SO FOR WHATEVER REASON THAT YOU'LL USE AT THE TIME, YOU FALL INTO THE RELATIONSHIP WITH INTENTION AND PASSION. NOTHING ELSE IS AS IMPORTANT AS THIS CONNECTION. YOU EMERGE FROM THE FOG OF GRIEF WITH THE REALIZATION THAT THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE. YOU SAY THINGS LIKE "YOU SAVED MY LIFE", AND YOU REALLY MEAN IT. THE DAY COMES WHEN YOUR BURDENS AND UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS BREAK THE BANK SO TO SPEAK. IT CAN BE OVERWHELMING FOR SOMEONE TO NOT ONLY SAVE YOU, BUT TAKE CARE OF YOU. YOU ALLOWED YOUR EMOTIONS TO SMOTHER AND KILL THE ONE THING THAT BROUGHT YOU OUT OF THE FOG. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO TAKE ON A PROJECT LIKE THIS KNOWINGLY, AND OF COURSE THE END RESULT IS PROBABLY NOT GOING TO BE WHAT YOU WERE PLANNING. AND, SO IT GOES.....THE REST OF THE STORY AS PAUL HARVEY WOULD SAY. A GOOD LESSON TO LEARN IS TO TRY TO SEPARATE YOURSELF FROM THE EMOTIONS OF SOMEONE PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT FROM A RELATIONSHIP FROM BOTH SIDES. AND, DON'T PUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON THE OTHER PERSON WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT. WHAT I HAVE REALIZED IS THAT WE HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO SHARE, BUT WE ALSO KNOW THAT TIME IS SHORTER NOW. LOOK AT THE WHOLE PICTURE AND NOT JUST THE DREAM. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL OF THOSE INDIVIDUALS THAT INVESTED SO MUCH OF THEIR ENERGY INTO ALL OF US THAT HAVE LOST SOMEONE. I HOPE THAT WE DIDN'T SCREW YOU UP TOO MUCH AND THAT YOU CAN MOVE ON AS WELL.
AND SO, BECOMING SOMEONE I WASN'T WAS NEVER THE PERSON I THOUGHT I WOULD BECOME. WITHOUT FREAKING EVERYONE OUT BY BECOMING TO PHILOSOPHICAL, I LOOKED AT THE PERSON I AM NOW AND COMPARED IT TO THE PERSON I THOUGHT I WAS BEFORE BARB DIED. I THINK IT HAS BEEN LONG ENOUGH THAT I CAN STEP BACK AS IF I'M VIEWING MYSELF THROUGH SOMEONE ELSE'S EYES. A LOT HAS HAPPENED. I GRIEVED. TRIED TO FUNCTION AT WORK. LOVED AND LOST. FOUND OUT THAT I COULD CONNECT TO A POWER BEYOND MYSELF AND USE IT TO DEVELOP NEW SKILLS. I BECAME HONEST PROBABLY TO A FAULT. I READ A BOOK CALLED "LOVING GRIEF" BY PAUL BENNETT RECENTLY AND ONE THOUGHT HIT HOME FROM IT. WHEN BARB DIED SHE TOOK MY OLD LIFE WITH HER. SO BECOMING SOMEONE NEW WITH A FOCUS ON THE FUTURE IS THE GOAL. CAN IT BE DONE WITHOUT LOOSING YOURSELF COMPLETELY? I THINK SO. BUT WHAT I REALIZE IS I NEED TO ALSO COME TO GRIPS WITH THE IDEA THAT I MIGHT HAVE TO BE STRONGER AND SAY NO TO THINGS THAT APPEAR TO BE TOO EASY. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS DONE SOMETHING THEIR WHOLE LIFE DOESN'T MEAN THAT THEY NEED TO CONTINUE TO STAY IN THE SAME CYCLE. THIS IS A PERFECT TIME FOR ME TO STEP OUT OF THE MOLD AND FIND ME. SO ME SAYING I HAVE TO BECOME SOMEONE NEW IS EASY TO SAY BUT HARDER TO ACHIEVE. FIRST OF ALL I HAVE TO LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF FIRST AND DEFINE MYSELF INDIVIDUALLY WITHOUT THE COUPLE-NESS THAT WAS SO EASY TO HIDE BEHIND IN THE PAST. I HAVE TO SET THE BOUNDARIES THAT I AM WILLING TO WORK WITHIN GOING FORWARD AND MOST IMPORTANTLY PICTURE WHAT I'M SUPPOSE TO BE LIKE WHEN I BECOME THE NEW ME. MOST PEOPLE MIGHT NOT SEE ANY DIFFERENCE BUT I BELIEVE WHAT WILL CHANGE WILL BE AT THE SPIRIT LEVEL. IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO RE-ESTABLISH A FOUNDATION ON WHICH TO BUILD. I NOW KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN FUNCTIONING WITHOUT A BASE OF MY OWN. I BELIEVE THAT IT IS GRIEF'S JOB TO KNOCK THE UNDER PINNING OUT FROM UNDER YOUR FOUNDATION SO YOU NEVER FEEL STEADY ON YOUR FEET. CONFUSED, SCARED, AND LONELY TAKE OVER. WHEN SOMEONE COMES ALONG AND SHOWS THE WILLINGNESS TO PUT A COUPLE OF NAILS INTO THE FOUNDATION YOU'RE ARE ALL OVER IT. GRAB ON, DON'T LET GO, AND HOPEFULLY KEEP IT TOGETHER. BUT WHAT YOU'RE FORGETTING IS THAT THOSE COUPLE OF NAILS ARE TEMPORARY FIXES AND THE WALLS WILL COME DOWN EASILY. SO MY PERSONAL GOAL IS TO BUILD A NEW FOUNDATION FROM SCRATCH WITH INTELLIGENCE, COMPASSION, LOVE AND RESPECT. THE RESULT WILL HOPEFULLY BE A MUCH STRONGER ME WITH A CAPACITY TO ACHIEVE IMPORTANCE IN THIS LIFE TIME. I WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOES.




LIVE

LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT TO
NOT THE LIFE YOU THINK YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO

FATE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT
YOU DECIDE WHERE YOU FIT INTO THE SCHEME OF THINGS

HOLD ON TO THE REALITY
THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE LIFE YOU WANT
BUT KEEP IN MIND YOU MIGHT NOT NEED IT

BE THANKFUL FOR THE CHANCE YOU HAVE
TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT
AND USE IT WISELY TO GROW
INTO WHAT YOU SHOULD BE





REFLECTIONS OF A FRIENDSHIP-JAN SCHAECHTERLE

THIS IS ABOUT TWO VERY INFLUENTIAL FEMALES IN MY LIFE. MY DAUGHTER OF 3 1/2 WEEKS DIED ON FEBRUARY 3RD 1977. EXACTLY 32 YEARS LATER TO THE DAY, I ATTENDED THE SERVICE OF A LONG TIME FRIEND WHOM I WAS CONNECTED WITH THROUGH THE LOSS OF OUR FIRST BORN CHILDREN. THAT FRIEND WAS BARB RUSSELL. EVEN THOUGH WE ONLY TALKED A COUPLE OF TIMES A YEAR AND WERE LUCKY TO ACTUALLY SEE EACH OTHER ONCE AT THE HOLIDAYS AND MAYBE AT A SUMMER BARBECUE, SHE WAS A LIFELINE FOR ME. I RARELY USED MY LIFELINE IN RECENT YEARS, BUT DID SO MORE FREQUENTLY 20+ YEARS AGO.

WE WERE INTRODUCED BY OUR LAMAZE TEACHER. MY AMANDA HAD DIED DUE TO A MEDICAL MISTAKE UP AT DOERNBECHER HOSPITAL IN PORTLAND A LITTLE OVER A YEAR EARLIER. WHEN WE FIRST MET, HER JOSHUA HAD BEEN DEAD ABOUT SIX MONTHS. HE TOO, HAD DIED AT DOERNBECHER IN A BOTCHED MEDICAL PROCEDURE. SHE CAME TO MY HOUSE. BY THEN, I HAD A SON, JASON, WHO WAS ABOUT 8 MONTHS OLD. WE CONNECTED IMMEDIATELY. WHEN I SPOKE OF THE CRAZY FEELINGS I'D HAD, SHE UNDERSTOOD. WHEN SHE TALKED ABOUT HER FEARS FOR THE FUTURE, I UNDERSTOOD. I THINK WE TALKED FOR ABOUT 3 HOURS. OUR LIFELINES WERE ESTABLISHED.

IN ANOTHER YEAR OR SO, BARB WAS PREGNANT WITH HER SECOND CHILD, MICAH. I FEEL LIKE I WAS HER LIFELINE THROUGH THAT EXPERIENCE ALONG WITH HER PREGNANCY WITH BETTY. THEN THE TABLES TURNED AND SHE WAS SUPPORTING ME THOUGH A DIVORCE AND SHE AND MIKE HELPED ME MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE INTO AN APARTMENT. MY LIFELINE.....

TIME PASSED. THEY LIVED IN MT. ANGEL, THEN IN ARIZONA, THEN RETURNED TO OREGON. BARB AND I DROVE AROUND UNTIL THEY FOUND THE HOUSE THEY LIVED IN FOR 26 YEARS. SHE ALWAYS CLAIMED THAT I FOUND IT FOR THEM, WHEN INDEED WE DID IT TOGETHER. HER LIFELINE....

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, THEY ARE ADOPTING A BOY FROM KOREA AND HENRY AND I WERE ASKED TO BE HIS GODPARENTS. THIS BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES THAT I WAS ASKED TO HOLD SUCH AN HONOR IN DALE'S LIFE. THE ADOPTION PROCESS SEEMED TO TAKE FOREVER BEFORE HE FINALLY CAME HOME. I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I MET HIM AND HAD SUCH JOY FOR THEIR GROWING FAMILY. HER/MY LIFELINE.....

LATER ON MY SON WAS IN CONTINUAL TROUBLE AND HAD PROBLEMS FOR A LONG TIME DURING HIS TEEN YEARS. SHE WAS THERE TO LISTEN TO ME ALONG THE WAY. SHE NEVER JUDGED BUT ONLY SUPPORTED AND CHECKED IN ON ME. MY LIFELINE......

THROUGH ALL THIS TIME, I WOULD OFTEN GET A CARD/CALL ON AMANDA'S BIRTHDAY AND I WOULD CALL OR SEND A CARD ON JOSHUA'S BIRTHDAY. WE AGREED THAT TIME HELPED TO HEAL THE WOUNDS, BUT THEY WERE STILL THERE. EVEN AFTER 20 YEARS, WE KNEW THAT THE PAIN WAS JUST UNDER THE SURFACE AND THAT WE WOULD LIVE WITH IT ALL THE REST OF OUR LIVES. YOU SEE, SHE UNDERSTOOD...I UNDERSTOOD. HER/MY LIFELINE....

I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW HOW ILL BARB REALLY WAS. SHE DIDN'T LET ON IN OUR CONVERSATIONS AND I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THE DOCTORS HAD FOUND A SOLUTION FOR HER AND THAT SHE WAS DOING BETTER. BOY WAS I WRONG. ON THE THURSDAY BEFORE SHE DIED. I FELT LIKE I HAD PULLED A MUSCLE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CHEST, IN MY STERNUM. CALL IT COINCIDENCE. IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN. IT LASTED UNTIL FRIDAY NIGHT WHEN I GOT THE CALL. THEN IT WAS GONE AS SUDDENLY AS IT HAD COME ON. LIKE I SAID, MAYBE IT WAS A COINCIDENCE...THEN AGAIN, MAYBE IT WAS MY LIFELINE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING.

WHEN WE WENT TO THE FLORIST TO ORDER FLOWERS FOR THE SERVICE, I DISCOVERED THAT THE MEMORIAL WOULD BE ON THE 3RD OF FEBRUARY...THE SAME DAY AND ALMOST THE EXACT HOUR THAT MY AMANDA HAD PASSED. ANOTHER COINCIDENCE OR WAS IT MY LIFELINE TELLING ME THAT SHE WAS WITH AMANDA NOW...WATCHING OVER HER? MY MIND WAS THINKING MANY THINGS AND MY LOGICAL BRAN WAS SAYING THAT THIS WAS NONSENSE. WHAT FINALLY CINCHED IT WAS WHEN A STUDENT STARTED COMING INTO THE LIBRARY WHERE I WORK(IN A MIDDLE SCHOOL). SHE HADN'T BEEN IN THERE VERY OFTEN, BUT STARTED COMING IN EVERY DAY TO VISIT WITH ME. IN FACT SHE EVEN GOT INTO TROUBLE FOR SKIPPING CLASSES TO HANG OUT IN THE LIBRARY WITH ME. HER NAME WAS AMANDA AND DURING THIS TIME I DISCOVERED THAT HER MIDDLE NAME WAS MARIE. MY AMANDA'S NAME WAS AMANDA MARIE. IN MY HEART, I KNOW THAT BARB, MY LIFELINE, WAS TELLING ME SOMETHING. MY LOGICAL BRAIN TELLS ME THAT THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE, BUT MY HEART TELLS ME OTHERWISE. AMANDA HUNG OUT WITH ME UNTIL THE END OF THE YEAR. THEN SHE MOVED ON TO HIGH SCHOOL. I HAVEN'T SEEN HER SINCE, BUT HER MEMORY LINGERS WITH ME. BARB'S HOWEVER, DOES MORE THAN LINGER. SHE IS SORELY MISSED. I DON'T HAVE THAT PERSON I CAN CALL WHEN I AM FEELING SOMETHING STRANGE RELATED TO AMANDA. BOTH OF THEM ARE IN MY HEART TOGETHER AND I FEEL GOOD THAT THEY ARE TOGETHER, BUT PROFOUNDLY SAD THAT BARB IS NOT HERE TO SEE HER KIDS GROW, MARRY, HAVE CHILDREN AND SHARE ALL OF THAT WITH MIKE. MIKE IS CORRECT. IT IS ALL A JOURNEY AS HE STATES WHEN HE BEGINS HIS BLOG. SOMETIMES YOU HAVE A LIFELINE AND SOMETIMES YOU DON'T.

THANK YOU AMANDA FOR SETTING MY PRIORITIES AND FOR MAKING ME LOVE MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. THANK YOU BARB, FOR YOUR YEARS OF SUPPORT AND BEING MY LIFELINE...AND FOR WATCHING OVER MY AMANDA AND YOUR JOSH. LOVE, JAN.

THE JOURNEY: "Be you dust or be you stone, to be what you must just reach out for what you are-Yusef(Cat Stevens)
What is bravery and how would you define it? I recently completed reading my friends journal about the long process of death of her husband Jim. Lynn St Georges wrote about the trials, tribulations and love of her husband during his illness and ultimate death. It is full of poignant memories that bring out all the human traits of care giving. So much truth is hard to read sometimes but care giving is such an all consuming environment to be in that it takes a special person to enter that world. What I envisioned by reading this heartfelt journal was a very brave individual who took on a role that no one should have to endure. Out of love for the dying we sometimes go beyond what would normally be our comfort level and achieve what can only be considered to be super human. I'm pretty sure that Lynn would not consider herself to be brave. But being the one looking in from the outside, her story as well as may others in the same position have to be considered the ultimate act of bravery. You take on a role that can be so painful and demeaning that it is like a gunfight in the old west. Both parties are brave and most of those watching would not do it. My sister in law Judy took the same role on in taking care of my brother during his illness. Until this very moment, I don't think I adequately thanked Judy for all the care and love she showed my brother during his death journey. The rest of us that have not gone through the care giver story can't possibly begin to understand that day to day existence. We only look from the outside and don't know or don't want to know what is really going on. So for all the care givers of the world, you rock.


YOUR TRIED TO TELL ME

YOU TRIED TO TELL ME
I WOULDN'T LISTEN
YOUR PAIN MIXED WITH YOUR DIEING SPIRIT

YOU TRIED TO TELL ME
I WOULDN'T HEAR
YOU THOUGHT WE WOULD BE BETTER WITHOUT YOU

YOU TRIED TO TELL ME
I WOULDN'T SEE
YOUR BODY DECREASING IN ENERGY SHOWING IN THE PHOTOS

TELL ME NOW, I WILL LISTEN
TELL ME NOW, I WILL HEAR
TELL ME NOW, I WILL SEE

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY
IT'S NEVER TO LATE TO CARE


In a recent posting I invited folks to write about the special person in their life. I would post it in a separate section on this blog and send it out into the ether. This would be symbolic of their story never ending and a way to share them with the rest of the universe. The following is the first of those stories.

JIM TIFFINS STORY-Saturday, April 4, 2009

I want those who aren't family or close friends to know a little more about Jim so you can know the man as he was before this time.
Besides being my husband, Jim also is Amber's father and the youngest of four children with three older sisters. Before becoming too sick to work 4 years ago this month, Jim was a machinist his entire career(since 18 years old, learning under his father). Jim was very good at what he did and had an amazing work ethic. His work ethic was one of the things that drew me to him, though it did get in the way some times;e.g.,when were preparing to go on vacation, I'd always ask him to try to be home on time or even a little early to help me and he always was 2 hours late. "I had to tie up loose ends," he'd say, and I'd remind him he punched a clock and nobody else would do that and he said it just wasn't his way.
Jim and I met June 7, 1979, a date that we disputed over until I googled the day of the week that we met and I was right. I was working late at a jewelry shop, which was owned by some of his friends. He stopped by with Amber on his hip, this 22-month old, and I mentioned the group working late was meeting at my house after work and to join us. He said he'd take Amber home and then stop by.
Jim came by my house and around midnight was the last person there. We were listening to music when he asked "do you have any Joni Mitchell?" and my heart was his and that's where he stayed. We've been inseparable ever since. When I mention our meeting story to him he always smiles and says the Joni Mitchell line worked every time, but I'm pretty sure he's only teasing me and though he's never said for certain, I like to believe he only said those words to me.
Jim and I have had a good life together. We have traveled,and we partook in the American Dream. It wasn't his body that caused him to first file for disability, but his mind...the decline in cognition had begun 4 years ago and working became too hard for him.
Jim is a kind, sensitive soft-spoken man. He is a quiet man who is modest and reserved. He can be quick to anger but forgives and forgets easily. He is gentle with animals and children and smiles so sweetly at little girls. We have had a good life these last nearly 30 years, with all the highs and lows that go with a long-term relationship...days we wanted to kill each other and days we quite literally hurt from how much we loved each other.-Lynn St Georges_

JIM TIFFIN DIED SEPTEMBER 2, 2009

THE JOURNEY: Mid life....sounds so stuffy and permanent. You hear a lot about it but what is it really? To a twenty year old mid life is probably thirty. Really, think back to when you were twenty. Yea, your thinking it. I always thought that mid life was half way to the rocking chair on the porch that Barb and I were going to share in retirement. Perspective changes quickly. So now what? Do I have a crises? And what is a crises anyway? Is it where you push important people in your life away from you by becoming so complex that the baggage you are carrying to the terminal would weigh down three porters let alone one? Is it a crises when you picture yourself on a Harley going across country after you've sold everything off just to write a book about people you meet along the way? Is it a crises when you suddenly shave the beard off that has been attached to your face since the Nixon years? I think crises makes it sound like your in jeopardy of loosing your mind instead of taking control of it. Sometimes what may appear to be a rash change to some really is just the taking back of control in ones life and nothing else. It takes a leap of faith to get to the top of the mountain. I can tell you that a death in your life can profoundly shake up the world as you know it. Also I can tell you that shaving your beard off can get a conversation going with the people around you, especially the youngest daughter who has never seen your chin before. Remember what I said about mid life to a young person. I rest my case.


PURPOSE


MY INTENDED PURPOSE IN LIFE
WAS TO GROW OLD GRACEFULLY
WITH THE ONE I LOVE

FATE HAD ANOTHER PLAN
TO CHANGE THAT OUTCOME
FROM DESTINY TO CONFUSION

OTHER PLANS EMERGED
CREATING HOPE THAT WAS LOST
AND GOALS THAT ARE SHARED

A SINGLE MOMENT IN TIME
CHANGED THE LIVES FOREVER
TO BE BIGGER AND MORE BEAUTIFUL
THEN THE ORIGINAL PLAN EVER INTENDED

THE JOURNEY: What has the world come to. Watching "GLEE" and looking outside and seeing it pour. Man, what a lonely world it can be sometimes. I have to laugh at myself occasionally because without that it would be pretty pitiful. The thought of loneliness creates a picture in my mind that I really don't get. Growing up in Arizona I considered myself to be a loner with a few friends. Somehow that was OK with me. I knew that I was self reliant and everything in my life depended on me. My brother was older and we really didn't have anything in common. I did the traditional baseball, swimming, and getting blown out of the water by the female of the species. I worked from the time I can remember, so being busy was my way of never being lonely. I met my future wife when I was 20 and I can honestly say that loneliness was never in my vocabulary. While raising six kids, loneliness somehow gets converted into exhaustion. And then before I knew it, most of my kids were grown up and my wife was going down the slippery slope of illness. Loneliness started creeping in at that time but I don't think you are allowed that feeling because you're too involved in the day to day duties taking care of the love of your life. So then you go through the hardest thing you have ever faced. You start moving away from it over time and as you do that you realize that most of the time your kids have their own lives. Although you know your kids love you, you finally come to the conclusion that their energy rightly so revolves around other things instead of you. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just growing up I guess. Maturity is a bummer. Anyway, as I sit here with the dog staring at me wondering what I'm crying about, I reflect on this empty house with all its history and express with the deepest sincerity.....Happy Mothers Day.


DOES IT MATTER

WHEN YOUR BEST FRIEND DIES
WHEN THE SUNSET IS BLUE
WHEN THE CROW FLYS BY
DOES IT REALLY MATTER

WHEN THE WALK IS FAST
AND THE PAIN IS SLOW
WHEN YOU REACH FOR HELP
WHY SHOULD IT MATTER

WHEN YOU TOUCH SOMEONES FACE WITH A SMILE
AND REQUEST TO STAY CONNECTED WITH YOUR WORDS
AND REALIZED THAT IT ONLY MATTERS TO YOU

SPEND A LITTLE TIME ON WHAT MATTERS THE MOST
SPECIALIZE IN THE MATTER OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE
THE MATTER OF YOU

THE JOURNEY: One one of my long sanity walks I suddenly had this image of a painter at the easel with a jar nearby full of different brushes of all sizes. The reason this is important is that immediately proceeding that image I was thinking about my family. Each member of the family represents a different brush. You know...some are long, some are small, some draw delicate lines and some are big and sweeping in what they leave behind. You can add color to a brush and get a totally different picture depending on which one you use. One son is a scientist who has to juggle a lot of things but be very precise at the same time. Although he might be a bunch of different brushes underlying ever thing is a very accurate one that gives sharp definition. One daughter who is a social worker is a typical long brush which has to paint the most complete picture quickly and with less detail. She has to size things up fast in her job as well as the family because of taking over the oldest female role. I have a middle son who is the film documentarian and probably has to be multiple brushes at the same time. This creates the most dramatic and colorful picture quickly before moving on to the next canvas. A totally complete picture always comes together in the end even though the colors seem scattered at times. Another son is the broadest possible brush that is really good at painting the clouds. His brush never completes the picture but is beautiful in color. The next son paints with one brush only, and with determination for his subject. He will paint off the canvas at times but will always return. The youngest daughter paints with the tightest wound brush you can buy. Driven to fill in the lines with her picture with no room for error. Barb painted with all the brushes available to create a completed family picture. I paint with a wide brush to create the frame for the future. An artist interprets what he sees, mixes the colors and shows respect to his subject by putting those brush strokes on a blank canvas. Even when we have lost someone, the picture was already created and lives forever in the mind of the viewers. Honoring those that are gone with as beautiful a picture as possible made from all those brush strokes is an incredible legacy to their lives.


THE PUZZLE OF LIFE

YOU START OUT AS A THOUGHT
PUT TOGETHER WITH LOVE

YOU GROW INTO A VESSEL
PUT TOGETHER WITH LOVE

ALONG THE WAY PIECES COME AND GO
CREATING A THINKER
PUT TOGETHER WITH LOVE

EVEN THOUGH DEATH IS AN ILLUSION
YOU MARCH TOWARDS THAT END
NEVER REALIZING YOU WERE PUT TOGETHER WITH LOVE

SO THE DAY COMES WHEN THE PIECES FALL APART
AND YOU REALLY FIND OUT
THAT YOU WERE PUT TOGETHER WITH LOVE